"Even when taking one road, keeping the other alive in our mind for too long is the beginning of regret. In fact, giving over to regret is a way to resist our limitations, a way to still take the other road with us. It's the heart's way to be stubborn. Ultimately, keeping the other road so actively with us only keeps us from fully knowing the road we have chosen." -Mark NepoThanks to a very good friend (ahem, Kaylin) I discovered this writing from an author, philosopher, and poet, named Mark Nepo. With such a big life change staring me in the face these next few weeks, I am fully embracing this notion of being completely present to the path I have been drawn to.
It's not a secret to anyone that I have always been a traveler and adventurer, and without that sense of discovery I may never have embraced such a big life change. Not only am I geographically transplanting myself far away from friends and family, but I am going to be living with my boyfriend, which will be an entirely new experience. Sometimes I find we don't give our gut instinct enough credit when it comes to making decisions, and in this case I gave myself over entirely to it. Every logical and socially acceptable consideration told me to stay in my current job, give the relationship more time, and keep living with my parents to save up as much money as possible. But not every decision has a logical or even verbal explanation behind it...sometimes you feel so drawn down a certain path that to deny it entry would be to live in "what if"'s and regret.
In allowing my thoughts to travel down this path awhile, I realized that my gut was telling me something very certain (cheap living, mountains, SOMANYACTIVITIESOMG!!). However, I knew I had to fully commit or fully hold off. My decision to dive head first into this move and into this relationship has brought me a lot of excitement. I will be living on my own again (hopefully for good this time), adapting to a new environment, making new friends (while keeping the current!), challenging my comfort zones, training at a new job, being away from my mom's cooking (god help me), and putting my relationship through a huge test of stability. I owe it to myself to give everything I have to this new adventure. It has the potential to bring me so much happiness and I know it will not always be easy. I need to have a strong sense of commitment, optimism, and joy in order to navigate over the bumps in the road. Therefore, despite the fact that I know I will miss my friends and family terribly I mean them no offense as I completely accept and affirm this new path.
I have already learned a tremendous amount about myself throughout this entire decision-making, job-searching, and moving process despite the challenges with which I have already been faced. It's not always fun during the struggle, but I am thankful for the tests I have already been through--they have yielded a more patient and motivated woman, ready for more tests ahead. And if Jon can put up with my monthly nervous breakdowns, I think our relationship is solid and ready to go!
"When you change but you do not journey, you are a chameleon. When you journey but do not change, you are a nomad. When you change while you journey, you are a pilgrim." -Mark Nepo
